


Stay With Me

by curlsgetdemgurls



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Claire stays after Culloden, Dunbonnet's Cave, F/M, what if
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 14:10:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20490161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlsgetdemgurls/pseuds/curlsgetdemgurls
Summary: What if Claire stayed after Culloden? A glimpse into the Fraser's lives as Jamie struggles to hide in the Dunbonnet's Cave, provide for his family and see Claire with their unborn child...





	Stay With Me

** _September 1746_ **

It was dark and cold, as it always was in the small damp cave. He longed for fresh air — to feel the sunlight warm on his skin. But more than anything he longed for Claire. To touch her, feel her in his arms and to press a kiss to her swollen belly. 

She was seven months along, and Jamie only came down from his cave every two weeks to see his family. It was too much of a risk, and more often than not, two weeks stretched into three or four while he waited for Fergus to come and fetch him. The ever present threat of redcoats, searching the Highlands for Jacobite traitors kept Jamie hidden, and away from Claire and his unborn child.

Jamie had urged Claire to go back through the stones, he had taken her back to Craig Na Dun himself to make sure of it. They had spent their last night together in a small cottage at the bottom of the hill, making love and memorizing every last detail of one another. Just as they were about to walk up the hill the next morning, redcoats ascended on the cottage and Jamie shouted at Claire to run to the hill. 

He had watched her go, hearing his heart break with every step she took away from him. With one last look, he saw her mass of curls go over the top of the hill and she vanished — or so he thought. 

Jamie was prepared to die on Culloden Moor. With Claire and their child gone back to her own time, there was nothing left for him here. He would fight for his country and for his men, but he did not plan to see the sun rise the next morning. 

When his eyes opened to find Black Jack Randall, dead and half on top of him, Jamie cursed God for keeping him alive. Jamie could barely breath and every time his chest moved, his body ached. He couldn’t feel his legs, and he didn’t want to check if he still had legs to begin with. 

He wanted to die. He should have died. Jamie thought of Claire, and he prayed that she was safe, back in her own time, away from whatever was left of him here. It wouldn’t be long he had thought. 

Much to his protestations, some of his men had found him on the battlefield and had brought him to a small house. He lay surrounded by other Scots, groaning and all clinging to life by a thread. Jamie couldn’t move if he tried, the pain in his leg was too great. His head was pounding, but his physical ailments were nothing compared to how broken his heart was. 

Jamie wished for death, if only to lay eyes on Claire once more. 

It wasn’t much longer that Jamie found himself in the back of a hay cart, being jostled around as he was sent home. Lord Melton would not allow him to die — honoring a familial debt he said. So that was how Jamie escaped death once again, even though he prayed it would fall upon him. 

The journey on the road was painful, and Jamie blacked out for most of it. So, when he opened his eyes to find his sister, Jenny and brother Ian staring down at him, he thought he had finally made it to heaven. 

“Jamie!” Jenny reached down into the cart to stroke his face. “Christ, we thought ye dead.” 

“He looks half dead,” Ian remarked. 

“Cl-“ Jamie tried to speak, but the sound was caught in his throat. If he was in heaven, then he wanted to see Claire and his child. 

“We need to get him inside,” Jenny commanded and a moment later, hands were touching him, and Jamie blacked out again, letting the pain take him under. 

++++++

He dreamed of her — flashes of her hair falling over his face, while her hands touched him, soothing his aches. Jamie tried to reach out to touch her, to know that she was really there, but his arms were heavy and wouldn’t move. He called out to her, but she did not answer. Jamie thought he must be in hell now, for if he could not touch his beloved Sassenach, then this would be his punishment. 

“Jamie,” said a soft voice from above him. He was thrust back into reality, the harsh cold world he didn’t want. 

His leg throbbed, and his eyes blinked several times before looking at the source of his pain. A large red gash was on his thigh, most likely caused from a saber of the English. Jamie tried to move and sit up, but his head was like lead. 

“Jamie,” came the voice again and this time it sounded familiar. “Can you hear me?”

“Claire?” Jamie asked, his eyes moving upwards to look into the face of his wife. “Am I dead?”

She knelt down beside him, her hand touching his. “No, but you’re badly injured. We thought we might lose you in the night.” 

“What are y—“ 

“I couldn’t leave you,” Claire’s voice broke and a tear fell down her cheek. “I tried. I went up to the stone and reached my hand out. I could hear the buzzing.” 

Jamie was having a hard time assessing if this was still part of his dream or if he was really holding his wife’s hand in his home, Lallybroch. 

“But then I took a step backwards, and then another,” Claire said softly. Her head was near his, so close he could see her red, watery eyes. “And I found myself on a horse and headed to Lallybroch. To wait for you.” 

Jamie closed his eyes, letting her words sink in. He had made her promise to go back to Frank, to see their child safe, but as he lay here, body weak and heart frail, he wanted to laugh. All Jamie wanted to do was die on the battlefield, but something was in his way. Claire was in his way, stopping him from leaving the earth. 

“Ye promised ye’d go back, _mo chridhe_,” Jamie said. “Tis no’ safe for ye or the child here. No’ anymore.” 

“We are safe wherever you are,” Claire said and buried her head against his side. He winced, but this time it was a welcome pain. “I couldn’t leave you,” Claire said over and over again. 

Managing to lift up his hand, he placed it over her head, lightly stroking her curls. He couldn’t be mad at her for not doing as he said — after all, he was selfish and his heart was fit to burst at having her here with him. Jamie didn’t want a life without Claire, without his child to hold in his arms. 

After a time, Claire moved off of him and rose to her feet. “I need to change your bandage on your leg, and then you need to rest.” 

“Aye,” Jamie said and watched as Claire went to the other side of the room, filling her hands with everything she needed to attend to him. The pain was so great, that Jamie wondered if he would die after all. And if he did, at least he would be able to look upon Claire’s face one last time. 

++++++

Jamie didn’t die. Over the next days and weeks, he recovered to full health. He knew that he couldn’t stay out in the open much longer, it wasn’t safe for anyone at Lallybroch as long as he could be found. 

There was a scare with the redcoats just a week after he arrived. Ian came riding up the house, out of breath with sweat dripping from his brow as he announced he’d seen the English on their way up to the house. It had taken four men to move Jamie into a secure hiding spot in what they called a priest hole. 

For nearly an hour, Jamie had sat in the dark, his heart pounding in his ears as he waited. He could hear the voices above him, the questions from the redcoats, and it pained him that he caused his family such stress. 

“He’s no’ here.” He heard Jenny say from above him. 

The priest hole was located in the back hall that separated kitchen and pantry. It was a small space, so small, Jamie sat crouched inwards on himself. Just enough light and air came into the hole, and Jamie prayed it would not be too much longer. 

“If Red Jamie is here, you are required by the Crown to present him to us, Mrs. Murray,” an Englishman said. 

“I told ye he’s no’ here,” Jenny said firmly.

“I don’t suppose you will tell me where he _is_?” 

“He’s dead,” Claire spoke. “He died in the battle of Culloden just eight days ago. I saw his body as I tended to the sick.” 

_Ah, Sassenach._

“Who are you?” The English soldier asked, “What is an English lady like yourself doing with such Scottish swine?” 

“Red Jamie was my husband… by choice,” She added. “These people are my family and I ask you to please respect our time of grieving by not asking us where my dead husband is. He is buried in the cold ground, and I will never see him again.” Claire’s voice broke at the end, and it took all of Jamie’s self control to not leap out of the hole and comfort her. 

“Very well, madam,” the solider said. “I’m sorry to have disturbed you. But, if we get word of any other Jacobite traitors in this area, we will not grant you such mercy.” 

Footsteps lead away from the kitchen and Jamie finally let out the breath he’d been holding. It wasn’t until Jamie heard the whinny of their horses that he knew he would be let out of the hole soon. 

The floorboard above him moved and creaked, and fresh air filled his lungs. The same four men lifted him out of the hole, careful as they placed him back on the lounge. Jamie stretched his legs and arms, wiping sweat off his brow. 

“I canna stay in this house,” Jamie said to Jenny, Ian and Claire. 

“Where else would you go?” Claire asked, pacing back and forth. “You’re injured and very badly. You can’t even walk on your own.” 

“I dinna think the English will return for a time,” Jenny said. “Jamie can remain here while he heals, but I agree,” she looked at her brother. “Tis no’ safe for ye or for us if ye remain.” 

“Jenny, you can’t be serious?” Claire scoffed and looked over at the fiery Fraser. 

“Sassenach,” Jamie wanted to reach for her, but she began to pace again. 

“Jamie, do ye remember that cave? The one we used to play in as lads?” Ian asked him. 

“Aye, just past the creek and up aways,” Jamie nodded. “Tis a fine spot.” 

“A cave?” Claire asked and finally came over to kneel beside Jamie. “You can’t live in a cave, I need you — _we _need you here.” She brought his large hand to rest over her stomach. She wasn’t showing, but in time she would. 

“Sassenach,” Jamie said softly. “As ye said, I canna even walk on my own. I willna go until I’m able. But, tis what’s best for everyone — if I’m no here. The English will come back and when they do, I dinna want to cause harm.” 

“A cave is not a home,” Claire remarked and wiped at his forehead, brushing off the curls from his damn skin. “Your home is here with us.” 

“Aye,” Jamie nodded. “But this home is lost. At least while the English continue to search for any Jacobites.” 

“When it’s safe, will you come to see us?” Claire asked. “Surely, you don’t expect me to let you stay up there alone and never return.” 

“Fergus can come and fetch ye, Jamie,” Ian said. “To tell ye when the English are not near.” 

They made a plan. One that could not begin until Jamie recovered, as the cave was not exactly easy to get to and concealed by branches and rocks. He would hunt during the night, setting traps and snares and stay in the cave during the day. Once every two weeks, because both he and Claire could not bear much longer than that, Jamie would sneak down to the house to see them. 

++++++

Claire had only visited him in the cave the once. The climb to the top made it nearly impossible for her in her condition, and Jamie had been furious with her that she had done it in the first place. So she stayed below at the house, and waited for him to return to her. 

It wasn’t ideal, but it was what had to be done. 

Jamie was waiting for the cover of night. He would be with her tonight and hold her in his arms, hanging onto her scent and touch to take with him as he returned to the cave alone.

Hours later, after the sun had set and Jamie felt it was safe enough, he crept out of the cave for the first time in three and a half weeks. He stretched his arms high above him, always feeling cramped in the tight space. Jamie spent his time crouched and bent over, only ever laying flat to sleep. 

As quickly and quietly as he could, Jamie began his descent down to Lallybroch. On his way, he checked his snares, collecting whatever game he had caught to take with him. They managed with enough food at the house, but Jamie still did what he could to help. 

He ended up with two small rabbits, not much, but it would do. Creeping along the back of the house, Jamie stood at the kitchen door and knocked two times. The house was silent inside, but soon footsteps approached the door and it flung open. 

“Jamie,” Claire threw her arms around him and he took the remaining few steps inside, shutting the door quickly behind him. “I missed you!” 

“And I you, _mo nighean donn_,” Jamie kissed her hard and then bent to his knees to kiss the swell of her stomach. She had grown since he’d last seen her and it pained him to only catches glimpses every now and then. 

They settled into their routine when Jamie came down from the cave. He would hand Jenny whatever game he caught for her to prepare while he and Claire went upstairs to shave his beard. It was a small gesture, but it made him feel like a human, like he wasn’t just one of the beasts he hunted down to kill. 

“I was starting to wonder when I would see you next,” Claire said as she dipped a cloth in warm water to spread over his jaw. 

“Aye, so was I. Fergus came to me earlier today and said it was safe enough,” Jamie said. He slid one arm around Claire’s waist, savoring the feeling of being able to touch her. The round bump of her stomach was at his eye line and he moved his other hand round to stroke it. “He’s gettin’ so big.” 

“He is,” Claire agreed. They didn’t know whether it was a boy or girl, but both were hoping for a boy. “It won’t be too much longer now.” 

Dabbing a soft brush into the soap, Claire spread it over his beard and Jamie shut his eyes. He loved when she would shave him, there was something relaxing about being groomed by one’s wife. Claire stood above him and began to shave his face, bringing the razor over his skin. Jamie let his hands settle on her waist, feeling her warmth under her dress. 

“May I lay wi’ ye tonight?” He asked. “It willna hurt the babe?”

“No,” Claire chuckled. “You ask that every time. And yes,” she smiled. “You may lay with me.” 

“I ken if I were a bairn, I wouldna want anythin’ to be pokin’ me,” Jamie snorted. 

“I told you it’s fine,” Claire grinned and moved the razor across his skin and then dipped it in the basin of water. 

“Are ye eatin’ enough? For the two of ye?” He asked. 

“As much as we can manage,” Claire said and it pained him. He wished there was something more he could do to provide for his family. He hoped that he would not have to live like this forever. 

Jamie sighed, feeling helpless and closed his eyes, letting Claire resume her work. Once she was done, she set the razor and cloth aside and came to sit on his lap. Her arms wrapped around his neck as her legs hung over the side of the chair. 

She leaned in to kiss him, her tongue parting his lips. Having this time with her made it all worth it and the thought of not being able to hold her like so made his heart ache. 

“Sassenach,” Jamie said and brushed her curls behind her ear. “Ye ken that I’m verra glad ye decided to stay. Tis no’ safe here, and I hate to see ye strugglin’ so, but I am a selfish man.” He held her close to him. 

“If you’re selfish, then so am I,” Claire said, stroking his cheek with the tips of her fingers. “It was me who decided to stay and I don’t regret it for a moment. A life without you is not a life worth living, James Fraser.” 

He pressed his forehead to hers and they sat there until Jenny called up that dinner was ready. 

Jamie sat at the table quietly, eating and listening to the stories of life at Lallybroch the past three weeks. Fergus and Rabbie had caught a few fish last week using the techniques Jamie had taught them. Two weeks ago, Ian had been captured and taken by the redcoats for questioning, but thankfully was back now. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, nor would it be the last.

Claire was quiet as well, her left hand laced with his all throughout the meal. These nights always went by too quickly and then the weeks following stretched on for what felt like an eternity. 

After they ate, Jamie and Claire returned upstairs. Claire lit a candle beside the bed before sitting on the edge. Jamie was silent as he came to stand before her, his hands hovering near her face. 

“This time wi’ ye, Sassenach, is never enough,” Jamie said softly. “I dinna want to leave.” 

“Then stay with me,” Claire said and reached for him, pulling him down to her. He gently rolled onto his side, shifting so that she was straddled across him, her legs on either side as her stomach pressed between their bodies. It was now as if they carried the child together, protecting it from any harm that came its way. 

Her breasts were rich and full, the nipples dark as wine, urging him to taste them. Claire’s hand cupped itself between his legs, and he reached to return the favor. She rose over him, smiling, her hair falling down around her face. 

“Give me your mouth,” he whispered, not knowing whether he meant to kiss her or to have her take him between her lips, only knowing he must have her somehow. 

“Give me yours,” she said. Claire laughed quietly and leaned down to him, hands on his shoulders. Then her breast pressed against his mouth, and he took it eagerly, drawing her tight body against him as he suckled her. 

“Harder,” she whispered to him, and put her hand behind his head, gripping the back of his neck. Her hips were moving against him, and he was hard between her thighs. Jamie moved his hands to cup her arse, squeezing the sweet flesh until she moaned. Once he had tasted his fill of her breasts, he moved to kiss her lips. 

Claire moved quickly against him, panting into his mouth. Reaching between her legs, he stroked her to find how wet she was. Her fingers were tangled in his hair and as he pressed one finger inside of her, she bit down on her lips to keep her screams at bay. 

“Moan for me,” Jamie said softly, feeling her breasts press against him, the pointed nipples sliding across his chest. Claire’s sounds filled the room, and he moved his breeches down, untying the laces as quickly as possible to take himself in hand. 

“Oh, Jamie,” Claire sighed as he touched her entrance with the tip of his cock. He knew it would be quick, as it had been so long, but they had hours yet until he must leave. Pressing down, Claire sank onto him and they both stilled. 

Their joining was both risk and promise. Claire held him tightly as she began to rock against him, while Jamie buried his face into her neck. His lips pressed against her skin, tasting salt and he curved his body around her bump. He rocked her gently against him, pressing his hips up. 

Claire kissed him, and Jamie tasted the salt of her tears. With one final thrust, he spilled inside of her, and moaned, feeling as she clenched around him. He lay back against the headboard, cradling Claire to his chest. 

“I will keep ye safe,” he said to the both of them. No amount of distance would keep him from protecting those he loved. No redcoat or threat to his own life would prevent him from seeing Claire whenever he could. He knew he was risking everything by being here.

Some days when he was alone in the cave, he wished that Claire had gone back to the stones to be safe in her time — and that he had died on that bloody moor. But those thoughts were fleeting and only returned in his darkest times. There was nothing like holding Claire in his arms, to feel the life growing inside of her and he held onto the hope that one day he would be able to play with his child in the sun as a free man. 


End file.
